My Summer Girl

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 00:34:16 GMT

well, I think I'm done with livejournal. I'll have my new one, julietxxcapulet , that if you want to add me, you can. but I don't really feel like writing too much anymore, I suppose if I have something to say or pictures to post or something I'll do so, but other than that, there is so much more to do.

I feel really..free.

Sat, 11 Nov 2006 20:55:56 GMT

so...I'm deleting this very soon. I made a friends-only one. that is all. goodnight.

sometimes, the end is like a flat beginning

Wed, 08 Nov 2006 01:58:14 GMT

the way to a man's heart is through music.

(not that I ever could seduce a man with my cooking.)

when you see things you wanted smashed on rocks with even heavier rocks, you feel...foolish.

I'm just going to run away and be a sailor. But...I won't eat hardtack. Or will I?

My vibes solo was neat. And my fake And All That Jazz playing.

Lindsay and I made a pretty awesome pact...

night.

Richie Tenenbaum

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 02:18:07 GMT

Today Cathrin and I went to see Flushed Away...yes, I think a PG-rated movie...but it was really cute. We laughed more than the kids did....and we both had the same favourite part, where the slugs sing about him eating maggots, and the maggots themselves sing, "laaarrrva, laaaarva". On the way there we almost got ourselves killed, actually, and it was mostly her sitting there in denial of the fact that we could be killed and me, watching the traffic behind us, crossing my fingers, hoping everyone is paying attention.

She promised to buy Rocky Horror Picture Show and come over to my house to watch it...because I haven't seen it and she keeps telling me how much I'll love it. Anybody else who wants to see it when that day comes...you're invited.

I just spent the last hour acting out, myself, Book I of the Iliad. That would be such an interesting play, I'd love to be Cassandra or Athena.

But in between acting out such things alone, I sit in silence and stare at the ceiling, and there's nothing much to say about anything. I've noticed that I don't really speak things in my mind anymore. I don't use words, I simply use feelings to reason things out. And I haven't written anything since last year.

I feel so much like I'm wasting time. I don't know how to live perfectly, and I feel as if I'll regret everything I didn't do anyway. No matter what.

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 01:51:15 GMT

oh, stop being stupid. all of you.

well today was nice. although...I have yet to eat any real food.

New Moon = divine. I could weep freely in the end.

tomorrow = much work....movie? maybe?

Sometimes when I'm brushing my teeth or just putting clips in my hair I think about the fact that my other is alive right now. He is breathing, he is existing somewhere. It's comforting, and it makes me smile.

on drama and love

Fri, 03 Nov 2006 00:23:25 GMT

goodness me. all I have to say, really, is that I really don't care. a good friend talks behind my back for two whole days to everyone else while barely talking to me, isn't that right?

people are just so difficult. and I don't really feel like explaining things because I'm dealing with plastic. and it's not all really such a big deal. I'm tired of my friends talking about absolutely nothing. they don't see what annoys me. "property this, property that" or "ouija board this, ouija board that". let's find something remotely interesting in our lives to cling onto and beat to death with our boring and useless conversation!

and I don't win, being a good friend. not at all, with this group. tell lindsay that her "friends" are just talking about her behind her back, now brooke and sarah tell me nothing. I suppose they have a reason not to, but it's simply the fact that I'm no longer trusted that is bothering me, when I'm the only one I think people can trust out of this group. go trick-or-treating with cathrin, who had no one to go with--oh god, I seperated the group. when did they start caring? usually I don't care if I'm not invited to things, because I don't consider this whole group any of my best friends. they're just people that surround me everyday, that I talk to. I'm sure they consider me the same, so I don't really mind, you see? I've only had one "best" friend, so I know the difference.

this will probably make some of you mad, but it should just be obvious. if I was a "best" friend to you, I did not know it.

and that is all on that subject. it makes me want to gag when I re-read it, but, it is a lot of crap I just wanted to get off my mind.

any the way, New Moon almost brought me to tears today in school. I can relate so well to this book. the numb feeling is far too familiar, especially in the situation that is described. I don't know, as I was walking down the hallways of the hospital, I could actually feel my feet hitting the floor for the first time. it's no use thinking about love. I am so bored with it in reality--the time for it will come. so now I just need to focus on important things, like losing weight, pre-calculus, and my art. if by the end of this year I can reveal myself as a 110-pound worthy artist who can understand logarithms and whose hair is down to her my waist, I will be happy.

and oh--the most brilliant thing about today--we're reading Othello for english academic team. my favourite shakespeare play. which means I'll get my own copy of it.

alright, well, the end

shazam, I'm a tree

Wed, 01 Nov 2006 02:14:02 GMT

from now on, I'm following my conscious forever and ever.

tonight was lovely. cold, but lovely. I tripped twice, got scared twice. loads of candy and alley-walking. going to lizzy's house. I want her telephone....

anyway. I hope prince charming is there on thursday.

I probably won't be online until then.

bye.

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 12:36:37 GMT

oh meep.

I know where I want to be.

And also, I vote that we have a day where none of my friends talk (with a few exceptions, of course).

Band together in your pathetic waste of a life (not directed towards those who I mentioned above).

=)

Happy Halloween.

A lack of color

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 01:18:09 GMT

What am I chasing? What is it that makes my spirit hurt so? When I get a glimpse, I happen to stare. And then it is like holding nothing, because as soon as I think I have found something, it so seemingly happens I find nothing with what I have found. So all I am left with is a pretty face and a thousand "nevers". Well, I keep deciding that there is no use in being lonely, because well, most everyone is lonely, and it is nothing special. So I should do something better with my time than be lonely. What I shall do I am not quite sure. I suppose a new project would do--I have one already sort of in mind. I sketched something out tonight, and it is fairly decent. Also, do not tell me I should not pin back my bangs when you see (I have already written this) I am in fact growing them out. This weekend is going to be so busy, firstly I have Safe Trick-or-Treat tomorrow and then some sort of party afterwards, and then Jennie's Halloween party on Saturday. la la to that.

I believe in never

Mon, 23 Oct 2006 23:49:23 GMT

1. I hate sarah's theories (lol)
2. but thanks to sarah (you--look at my icon), I adooore Veronica Mars. I would very much like at least the first episode of the second season.
3. I've been watching a lot of movies or a lot of...TV-like things, at least
4. saturday was wonderful. bands better than us + lieing to security + starbucks + keep off the walls + stupid horse carriages + me kicking metal barricades' asses + creepy elevator in Borders + wandering around downtown + Alice in Wonderland purse at Hot Topic + "I don't have any dead people" hearse boy <3 = reaally fun but I was dead asleep in the end.
5. I really really want to delete this livejournal because I'm just writing things in crap form just to say something, and that's not what I want to do, and it makes me feel pathetic.

all you live, all you give

Sat, 21 Oct 2006 03:44:37 GMT

today was lovely. just shopping at Metropolis and talking and doing...fun things. I bought a The Academy Is... t-shirt at Hot Topic and Alice in Wonderland. Of course when I go back I see a Siouxsie and the Banshees t-shirt....

Marie Antoinette made me sad, although I adored the movie.

A new Gail Carson Levine book! Oh, this is most exciting. Fulfilling, cheesy fairy-taleness ahead.

I'm growing my bangs out.

time for the best part of today:

Yes, that's my hardcore pumpkin. that...I carved. yeah. well, I wanted the ghost to be sort of an outline...so I started carving...and then halfway through I thought, "Wait. Something's wrong." and realized that all I was really doing was just carving a gigantic hole...but then Sarah shoved toothpicks in it so it could make sense...and now, it turned out...better...

and these are the people who are better than me at pumpkin carving. -from left to right, my dears- Joanie's, which is Luna from Sailor Moon, Sarah's, which is a cat, Jennie's, which is a creepy alien, and then mine...which I declare as the pacman ghost.

tomorrow is...indianapolis. I shall get to see Nicole!

[of course i'm not surprised by my lack of thinking, of feeling. so much time has been spent in front of the mirror. there's this certain technique in my drawings I want to get right, and I work on it sometimes, even though it's simply just an imitation. and let us declare that we are sick of dealing with people of all natures. and just for the record, I'm not an artist. I'm not anything. I'm just an imaginer in love with romance. I can't write at all, either. hooray for a pity party, but it's true.]

hey, hey, we're not far from home

Tue, 17 Oct 2006 01:57:31 GMT

leave me alone

please.

it's a nice day

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 22:15:23 GMT

Today I went to the covered bridge festival with Jennie. It was the first time in a long time where I just had fun. That's how it has always been with her, though...I don't know how to explain it, but, I guess it's just because we've been around eachother so much that we don't worry about stupid things, we just hang out.

Anyway, I'd never been before, and yes it is like a giant fair on the square but there are so many brilliant, beautiful things mixed in with everything else. I think seeing the space art was my favourite. It was this woman wearing a gas mask with blaring techno music in the background just making these really beautiful space pictures in like 5 minutes with spray paint...amazing to watch. There were also statue people, which reminded me of Cathrin. Anyway they beckoned Jennie and moi over and placed beads around our neck. We also watched caricatures being drawn and they were so...good. Oh, and this guy was selling wooden, painted animals like frogs and what not, that when you rubbed their backs they made their animal noise. It was incredibly realistic.

At one point we just sat down at a picnic table and it felt more like fall than ever. I can't explain how brilliant the moment was. I just felt as if I were the season.

We also saw tigers, which I felt bad for.

Craig bought a gun...

And...I got a lot of chocolate ice cream.

I also fell asleep on the way home. Because this whole marching season/first half of first trimester of school is now over, and I can finally just feel weary.

I guess I'm driving to Indianapolis tonight. Gotta take Tom home. Yes, that's right. Myspace Tom.

visit any ae store or ae.com today and take 15% off your purchase with your new ae credit card.

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 02:03:01 GMT

I am such a cat. My only goal in life is to sleep.

Marching band is over. Everybody is so 'omg this sucks'. stfu bastards.

I glance in your direction, but you pay me no attention la la la

I'm so bored with friends around me (with the exception of a few people). I think the whole idea has gotten tiresome. I find myself muttering, "leave me alone". because it's true. I...

Oh, the people around me (of the family nature) are too good to me. I feel like weeping. I believe I am a compassionate person. I have to be. There is too much I know and don't know.

but I don't know...

I miss what I haven't even had yet.

And I'm looking for something that could be years away. I'm happy because I'm stupid.

I've got nothing to worry about,
So I worry about nothing.
I've got nothing to panic about,
So I panic about nothing.
I've got nothing to be afraid of,
So I'm afraid of nothing.

All I ever wanted to be
Was comfortable and kind.
I can't sleep 'cause I see spiders
When I close my eyes.

I've got nothing to think about...
So I think about nothing.

Fri, 13 Oct 2006 11:17:00 GMT

i am breathing for you

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 01:58:12 GMT

today was fuuuuun. I got a near-perfect with the words coiffure and sangfroid!!! ahh. I was just sitting there laughing to myself, gloriously thankful that I have premonitions.

all the compliments I get surprise me, because they are so utterly...I don't know...right. to me, at least. kayleigh said that every time she heard a pretty melody, she thought of me.

I will be home then

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 02:01:04 GMT

right now I'm so weak (I wait until the last possible minute to eat anything), but, I shall say some things I suppose.

well I've been talking to so many people on AIM that I don't remember what I was going to say but I don't like seeing that same entry, so, here.

real love/or is it me you're after?

Wed, 04 Oct 2006 01:18:29 GMT

I got a near-perfect today. My best score as of yet. I was happy.

nice things about today: singing bohemian rhapsody with cathrin, watching absurd videos on the bus ride to cascade, new music new music, meeting someone who has met william beckett, forgiving and forgetting, the feeling of sadness, unexpectedly meeting a homosexual

the bad things are as follows: I say, my friends are just...unfriendly.

the things are now: manipulating memory, I have a desire to just be content and there are so many things in my head that make me unhappy to think about, I have forgotten so much already

I was walking into school tonight and something rare happened. a rather large bug crossed the sidewalk and we happened to cross eachother's path at the exact same time so my foot stepped on him/her exactly. it was most distressing, hearing a sort of crunch, but I walked on. bad karma, I hate to believe.

Sat, 30 Sep 2006 23:23:07 GMT

I'm going to eat a whole pan of brownies
(today I realized diet coke really isn't that good, I'm just addicted)
right now
.

nevermind about the brownie thing, I'm already 1/4 of the way (it's a small pan, though, mind you) and I feel sick

watching TV is an excuse for daydreaming

friends--come to my house to see this really creepy drawing of julia my mom got today.

I really want to find my Les Mis book. where could it have gone?

I was so cold last night. silly guard uniform

hearing my name in a song, well that is just plainly odd. it is my desire to have a song written about me, and if that never happens, when I am old I shall write one for myself, entitled, "Alexa (something in quotes here)"

I keep getting compared to people (more so than usual). As of late, Audrey Hepburn (for the hair, or, rather, the fringe) and Paige from Charmed (for the personality).

ha, oh

Sat, 30 Sep 2006 02:25:57 GMT

woe is me, and I am so very sleepy. I'm seeing so many things. I'm acting in all sorts of ways. it bothers me when people with such pretty faces are jerks. it's hard to breathe in this cold canopy, in you in me.

it happened again, when you listen to a song and hear certain lyrics that make you think, "ohh, so they were actually quoting something, and it was from this" or something similiar to that. and then I smile.

I'm living in a silent film

I think, how absurd

It is so sad to be sad. I can't find any part of me to help. I'm such a robot, and it makes me sad to think of myself as just nothing, as just breathing.

I've been re-reading Twilight and it makes me glad to know that I am not a vampire in this such a book, because they don't sleep, and I'll always like to sleep.
okay

I've been so mute

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 22:47:19 GMT

Thu, 21 Sep 2006 21:43:53 GMT

=(

my soul

............lockbox

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 01:47:48 GMT

So I've been compared to Samara from The Ring about 348927343 times.

After school today I danced around a gas station and my skirt blew all perfectly in the wind. Cathrin says I am Angelina and talking to me is like talking to her own brain. She says I speak in the way she thinks.

I like the Scarlet Letter

and Les Miserables very much.

mosey mosey pick your nosey.

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 00:00:19 GMT

For random moments today I felt lonely, and it began like a little fleeting feeling that I put a thought to and then it sort of grew. I don't think rain makes you this way, as I wondered for a second. Perhaps it's just that I have too forgiving a soul. But this has all left me to feel how I feel now, which is different. I've never felt this way before, but yet it's familiar, as if I experienced a thousand things just to arrive back to a darker universal view of yesterday. But my art isn't suffering for it, indeed well my art is prospering in my mind.

And in the hours since I wrote that first paragraph, I've found more freedom in my drawings already. I'm so good at faces and shoulders and waists, but terrible at everything else.

I feel terribly pretty right now, sometimes experimenting with makeup comes out a success.

The sky is so orange and pink right now

I'm looking forward to tomorrow because I get to go to Subway with Cathrin before the dreaded percussion practice. I adore her so.

But other than that, I actually feel sort of boring when I'm with my friends. I hate that feeling but really I just feel useless. I'm looking forward to getting my license so I can do things by myself.

And I feel overly updatish of late

so I should stop. because. of the obvious. god, I want to say so much, but there is never a right time. the only time is far away. I just miss the ideas of so many things. plainly, I miss having a boyfriend. just someone there.

if you met me in person I'd be no different

Sun, 17 Sep 2006 16:37:38 GMT

I feel weird. I think people need to stop bitching about Pluto not being a planet, my goodness you aren't astronomers you have no idea what you are talking about. Sometimes I'm so embarrassed to be a common citizen. Last night I had a dream that I was held. Oh I shake my head at this dream. But then I was really quiet about it. I have been in a Bright Eyes mood.

I thought last night, I should stop talking and stop being a minx and stop wanting things and stop thinking about past things and stop (as somebody put it perfectly) falling in love with people who give me the slightest bit of attention. I am looking for someone in everything, in any person who gives me a second glance. but when it comes to a mirror, I think I'm dreadful and then I doubt it all. but it's not just about that. it never was, of course.

my parents bought me a car, because the escort is breaking down. it's an older accord and it's maroon and an automatic.

I feel closed off from certain parts of me, or maybe I'm just shrinking

homecoming dance is this saturday. I don't have any courage to ask a boy I don't even know.

this is stupid

because a jester on the back of a book must be a sign.